Confession Session

Psalm 32:5 “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.  And He forgave the guilt of my sin.”

Let’s confess, Moms…

Have you ever been too wrapped up in what needs to get done opposed to cherishing the people who you are doing those things for in the first place?  When you have an overactive brain mixed with tasks a mile long and the strength a mile wide to accomplish conquering those tasks, you may be one like me, who lets my duties prioritize over precious souls.

But what if you are forced to flip it around?

See, I am in a moment of time right now where I just had two unrelated surgeries in the course of one week!  And where I’d like to think I’m a pretty chill person, when it comes to my schedule and agenda, I have much to learn about being more flexible.  Honestly, I’ve actually had to confess those very things like “structure, order, agenda, schedule, tasks & to do lists” as idols in my heart.  (Proverbs 28:13 says “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy”).

Straight up, where diligence is a good virtue, unfortunately for me, the whole ‘loving people” part of God’s Commandments has been neglected when I look at how well I knock out my chores, errands and routine opposed to loving the people I’m keeping organized for to begin with!  (A clue that you, too, have made those responsibilities idols is when you bulldoze over your family to finish what YOU think needs to get done.  Eeek!)  Seriously, real talk here, if things were not done in MY way by MY time in MY order, then it didn’t go well for anyone around me.  Instead, my hubby and children deserve love and appreciation when trying to help out.  

So, here I am, lying on my bed limited physically to do much of anything.  It has been a battle because tackling the to do list usually tells me that I’m on track in my days.  Isn’t that funny how we can so deceive ourselves to the point of really believing we are doing exceptionally well in life by how clean our house seems or how much we’ve completed on our checklist?  (Confession session like Psalm 38:18 “I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin”).

In reality, the question I have had to go back to time & time again is: “How are you a helpmate to your husband by barking out orders at him from the bedroom?” And: “How will your children see a nurturing, caring wife & mother who honors and respects their father by shouting out my expectations of him as well as of them?”  In the past, I believed the louder and more straight forward with directions I can be, the more control I had over how the circumstances turned out (another confession like Nehemiah 9:2 “They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the sins of their ancestors”). Would it not have been more beneficial to everyone if Mommy kindly just asks for their assistance opposed to the Drill Sergeant tactic?

With the Holy Spirit revealing some deep Truths about how I have too often found my worth by what I do opposed to who I am and Who’s I am,  humbly, I’ve had to apologize to each member of my family asking for forgiveness first from God and then from them.  (1 John 1:9 states “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”).  After all, it is the Lord who has our lives in His hands, and if He deems fit for me to go through these afflictions to the point of having dual surgeries, than He is showing me something about my nature in the midst of it.

Truly, from this vantage point, I am beginning to understand how to love better and leave things undone longer.   By faith, I accurately assess, the Lord is teaching me to let go long enough to observe my husband and children. Father gave me fresh eyes to see how well I am cared for when I trust Him in those around me to do only what He wants done.  With the new sight, I’ve had to admit pride which told me: “Cristine, you are the only one who knows how to manage this household right.”  It simply isn’t true!  Now, do they do everything the way I would want things done?  No.  But that doesn’t matter.  (Another confession like Acts 19:18 “Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed what they had done”).

What being incapacitated taught me is because my husband works so hard outside, I have the privilege, honor and luxury inside to stay home and maintain the house and kids.  Bottom line, it is only God’s grace to orchestrate such a family structure where I can blossom as a housewife and mother anyway.  And because of the favor Father has granted me, these past couple of weeks, my husband took on my jobs along with his own work.  Now, if that isn’t Christ’s love exemplified!  So, where I was looking at this whole situation like a nightmare that might very well end in a “Hoarders” episode, my takeaway was so much more!  These infirmities of mine are God’s blessings to reroute my thought process about what is most important.  And it’s always the people!

Basically,  my mindset was on the wrong things.  It surely wasn’t focused on embracing this chance to see my family flourish without me.  I needed a lens correction; an adjustment in what I was and wasn’t seeing here!  And as I look to the Great Physician, clarity came.  Without a doubt, it was time for me to have a good, long rest.  And subsequently, my King wanted to show me how much I have done in Him, by Him and for Him.  The Lord has produced the fruit which is ripe now; meaning, the children can handle the house because of what I’ve poured into them as the Holy Spirit has poured into us.  And as we model Christ, our children model us.  So, they didn’t skip a beat in keeping up with the place, even if it is not at my ridiculous fast pace. (Confession is best as written in Romans 4:7 “Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered”).

Therefore, my Sweet Savior desired for my outlook to change to view my family thriving, in spite of Mommy down.  They are able and willing to pick up the slack gladly with joy because they understand how vital their roles in the family are individually and as a whole.  Jesus also wanted me to give my husband more credit than I have been by applauding him and reminding him of how special he is to me.   Without question, this man lays his life down for mine like Christ did, and he puts my needs above his own. So, for me to be anything but grateful is pure pride.  (With confession, one can rest like the verse in Psalm 32:1 reads: “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered”).

And hence, I sit here and write to you while laundry is needing to be folded, dishes put away, dinner to be made and on the list goes.  But none of that is as important as my body healing and for my husband & children to heal from the wounds my words inflicted upon them prior to my recent repentance. (James 5:16 is an excellent verse on confessing to people like with God: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.)  It’s conclusive, I’ve become aware that by backing off and trusting God, love pours out.  With that love, I’m adequately able to replace criticism with praises during this debacle. 

Question Moms, can you comply to the Spirit’s prompting to confess your shortcomings and relent enough to receive an unexpected blessing, even if initially you think it’s a nightmare?  (That question reminds me of this precept from 1 Peter 5:6: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.”).

May this blogpost restore your faith in your family, as you confess your part. Because if it hasn’t happened yet, someday soon you may be the weak one, without strength to conquer all of your activities of daily living.  And I pray that when you do find yourself as teacher turned student/ master turned apprentice/ nurse turned patient, you will recall this blogpost and make the people in your life more important than trying to manage outcomes. Your worth does not come from what you can do, but rather it comes from the One who loves you, even when you can’t do!

*(Jesus did it all for you WAY BEFORE you could do anything for Him.  The Word says in Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”).  And remember Isaiah 53:5 “Jesus was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.”  Confession restores relationships both with God and man.  In conclusion, I had to write a blog on my own confessions lately to spur on others to do the same.  Sometimes one person can be used to start a fire or blow wind into an already flickering flame.  To set the precedent of restoration through reconciliation is my heart’s desire.  And if but one woman follows suit, my heart will burst with delight! <3

Blessings,

Cristine